Monday 27th December 2021

Today was the start of decluttering my house, I feel like my house is full of stagnant/old/negative energies and feel it’s time to clear these energies.

On the 3rd Jan, I will have lived in my house 14 years and over that time as we all do I’ve accumulated stuff and this stuff now feels like it’s weighing me down.

The room I tackled today was my bedroom, A few days ago I had already taken some clothes out my wardrobe that I no longer wear or simple don’t like any more and put them in bags to take to the clothes bank.

I started with my make-up and jewellery – I have a lot of costume jewellery which I love but had totally forgotten about so am looking forward to wearing it again. I also found a necklace that I had lost a few years back which made me smile.

I did throw quite a lot in the bin, mainly stuff that I’d bought for fancy dress and was really cheap and I know that I’d never wear it again, lots of bracelets where the elastic had perished so beads went everywhere, I had planned to keep the beards and use them for something else but in the end, I knew I had to be ruthless and get rid of them.

Lots of makeup went in the bin too, old stuff that again was useless or colours I would no longer wear.

I bagged up loads of T.shirts and clothes from my chest of drawers, threw out any socks that had holes in them and old knickers that were threadbare!

As I was doing this I opened the window and also burnt some sage incense to again help to clear the old energy out of the room.

I went through my handbags too and donated a few of them, the task for the next clearing day is to go through my wardrobe properly and clear out my shoes.

It felt good to be taking action on something that I’ve probably sat on for months, I know this is going to sound obvious but I’ve come to the realisation that if I want my life to change I need to change and put in the work so that’s what I’m doing from now on!

Sunday 26th December 2021

Here in the UK today is Boxing Day – a bank holiday (as Christmas day and today have fallen on the weekend) we have 2 more bank holidays tomorrow and Tuesday.

I slept really badly last night again, probably due to the wine I drank yesterday, although I did drink less than I did on Christmas eve! It was a worse night that the one before as I woke up about 2am, went to the toilet and then I tossed and turned for nearly an hour before I could get back to sleep and Sophiecat eventually woke me at 6am. Over the last few days I’ve been feeding her and then going back to sleep but today I decided to stay awake, got myself some coffee and came back to bed to read for a bit.

Today, I have been feeling decidedly sad/down/low! Think it has mainly to do with the alcohol I’ve consumed over the past couple of days, I know in the past that I have noticed that I get the booze blues when I drink more than my normal glass here and there and today it was really noticeable, think it’s also to do with this time of year, the build-up to Christmas is so intense these days that I find it all a bit overwhelming despite me shunning most of what others do.

Thinking about alcohol – I am really tempted to give it up completely for a while, there are a couple of events coming up where I might have a few drinks but other than that I think it’s going to be a dry year for me. Years ago I never used to drink at home when I was on my own, this was mainly because I used to use alcohol as a crutch and to escape life so my drinking got quite bad. Now I can take it or leave and often go weeks without a single drop but this year I probably have drunk more than I’ve done in the last 5-6 years and I just don’t think it’s doing me any good and focusing on my health during this transformation I think it time to bin the booze.

I had a quiet day, mainly watching TV and tidying the house from yesterday. A friend popped round for a bit which was lovely, we had some cheese and biscuits and played a few board games, which I love but living on your own you don’t really get a chance to play them!!

Saturday 25th December 2021

Merry Christmas, hope you have had a magical day however you spent it.

Another lie-in for me, although I did sleep fitfully due to a few glasses of wine yesterday and a bit of a sore head this morning. A good drink of water and some ibuprofen did the trick to make me feel more human again.

I had planned to have a fairly relaxed day so no actions were time-bound. Thankfully, the beef stew I put in the slow cooker overnight had worked well and smelt delicious when I went into the kitchen this morning.

Had some coffee and breakfast – usually, I might have some bubbles with breakfast as it’s Christmas day but as I was still feeling a little delicate I decided that I’d wait to have a drink with lunch, this proved fortuitous as one of my friends replied to my festive message saying that her husband had tested positive for COVID this morning and was ill in bed.

As I’d made a large pot of stew I offered to bring them some to save them worrying about cooking today. My friend and I went out for a walk with their dog before I came home.

It was lovely to see her and have a catch up as it has been a few weeks since we’d had coffee.

Once I got home I realised that I hadn’t opened all my presents – I received some beautiful and thoughtful gifts from family and friends and feel so blessed to have people in my life who truly understand and accept me for who I am, I now need to learn to accept myself!!

I’m now in bed with a very full belly and thankfully for my life and the people in it!

Friday 24th December 2021

Managed a proper lie-in after getting up to feed Sophiecat around 6am, came back to bed and woke up again properly after 9am! Had some very weird and wonderful dreams.

Had a quiet day planned mainly prepping food for tomorrow so I don’t spend all day in the kitchen.

Once I got up, I checked my emails and got confirmation that a tender I submitted had been approved!! This doesn’t necessarily mean it’s guaranteed work but does mean that I’m on a list of approved suppliers for a project until June 2023.

I opened the last of the doors on my advent calendars and pottered around the house for a bit.

Before I knew it, it was 3pm so thought I better do the food prep I needed to do! I put on some Christmas tunes and poured myself a glass of wine and cracked on with it.

There have been tears of happiness and sadness today so am a bit of an emotional wreck this evening along with probably a bit too much wine & cointeau hot chocolate… Bring on Christmas day and then onto the future.

Thursday 23rd December 2021

Yay, finally got a bit of a lie-in this morning as Sophiecat didn’t wake me up at some ungodly hour! I did get up around 4am to go to the toilet and was expecting Sophiecat to wake me up again soon after but I woke up naturally around 7.30am.

For the first time in a very long time, I’ve turned my alarms off on my watch so am hoping that I can have a few natural wake-ups for the next few days.

When I finally got up, I did a few emails but it would seem that most people have already signed off for Christmas so nothing too demanding/taxing to do. Chased a few invoices as well.

As the bath is still not sorted, it was a strip wash for me which was a bit chilly in the downstairs toilet but needs must and I’m not that precious about personal hygiene so doesn’t bother me that I can’t have a proper shower.

Did a bit of cleaning today so the house feels nice on Christmas day, not that I’m having any visitors but lovely to come downstairs to a clean kitchen on Christmas morning.

The main event today though was giving blood, I’ve given blood ever since I’ve been able to do and today was my 44th pint donated. I’d delayed having my booster jab so that I could give blood today knowing that at the moment the blood stocks are quite low. I was thinking of getting my booster on the way home but was advised against this in case of adverse reactions to either and they wouldn’t know which caused it, although I’ve never had an adverse reaction after giving blood in the past but, with any medical intervention there is risk. My booster is booked in for next Wednesday at my local GP surgery so not long to wait and won’t be seeing many people between now and then anyway.

Hopefully, I’ll sleep well tonight not just from the 1 pint less blood in my body but from all the cleaning I’ve done.

Wednesday 22nd December 2021

Managed to get to the gym this morning which felt good!! I was determined to go as wanted to get some errands run first thing to then get home.

So after the gym I went to the local DIY store to pick up some bathroom sealant as noticed last night that the bath was still leaking.

Then popped into the city centre to pick up some clothes that were being mended. I decided that as I wasn’t going to be long I would park in the free parking bit that allows you to park for 30 minutes for free, so briskly walked to the mending shop to find that the lady had closed for 10 minutes, not what I needed being on the clock for parking, luckily there was a coffee shop open next door so decided that I’d get a quick coffee while I waited as didn’t really want to come back into city centre later on in the day. And as luck might have it, my loyalty card for this coffee shop showed I was due a free coffee!

Drank my coffee quite quickly, collected my mending and made it back to the car with 3 minutes to spare!! Phew…

I then went to get my food shop for the festive break, the shops were a little busier than usual but nothing too manic thankfully, I guess it was still fairly early in the morning and still a couple of days to get in supplies. I was armed with my list and crossed things off it as I went around so I didn’t forget anything! Although when I got home I realised I had missed a couple of things off the list, nothing too important so if I don’t get them it won’t really matter, just be nice to have them.

Got home and then did a bit of work. By lunchtime I had run out of steam so took an extended lunch and chilled for a bit.

Did try to sort the bath out but failed so will be strip washing for a few days now in the downstairs toilet sink, not very glamorous or easy but not many options now this close to Christmas and my usual plumber has finished for the festive break. I’m not that bothered about cleaning this way, it’s as though I’m going anywhere in the next week or so or seeing anyone really. I’ve had it worse over festive periods with boiler breakdowns and no heating and hot water for days on end.

Does feel a bit like a kick in the mouth though but hey ho, life is sent to try us isn’t it.

Tuesday 21st December 2021

The day started slowly after a Sophiecat wake up again before 5am! Felt good about the day until I went downstairs after my shower to make some breakfast to find water dripping from the ceiling into the kitchen!!

Just what you need a few days before Christmas!! Anyway, I managed to get under the bath to find the source of the water and put a message in one of my local community Facebook groups for help, a man replied that he could come later in the day to have a look for me.

When waiting for this guy to arrive I managed to mop up most of the water and catch the rest in a bucket, he came later in the day and found that a seal around the plughole had perished so has put some sealant around it to see if that will do the trick for now.

The rest of the day pales into insignificance really but I did finish off some client work and start to plan out my food for the next few days as want to get my food shopping done tomorrow so that I do most of the prep before Friday and then be able to have a few relaxing days not doing much. I have a few other errands I need to do tomorrow too and then that’s me done for the Christmas build-up.

I love Christmas but I do find it hard in many ways so at the moment it’s about doing things that help me get through it as unscathed as possible.

Monday 20th December 2021

Today was my last working day at the uni until the new year, most people finished last Friday so it was a bit of a ghost town on campus which in someways was nice as it meant I got quite a bit done and feel like now I can switch off from the uni for a couple of weeks.

Mid-afternoon I went for afternoon tea with two of my colleagues who came into the campus for the event, it was put on by the catering staff who run an Alice in Wonderland themed cafe and was delicious.

It’s 11 months since I started lecturing, initially as a visiting lecturer to help out while someone was off sick and then in May got offered a more permanent contract, it was a tough decision to move into an employed role more permanently but glad I said yes as it has given me some stability in my life, and I am hoping in 2022 I can put some renewed energy into my business and make that really work too. I’m excited about the future, a little weary too but determined to make my life work whatever that looks like.

For now, though I’m going to look forward to some quiet days at home, eating good food and watching Christmas tellybox!!

Sunday 19th December 2021

A slow and quiet day as very tired from life at the moment, this isn’t a woe is me statement, I just feel utterly exhausted, this is a combination of lots of things and hoping that over the festive break I can recharge and I am slightly hungover too today.

The day started fairly early as Sophiecat woke me up at 5am, fed her and came back to bed and slept a bit more until she woke me up again just before 8am so admitted defeat and got up properly.

Made some coffee and sat with the french doors open listening to the sing, during lockdown last year I did this most mornings and loved it, I haven’t done it for months as I’m not home that many mornings now and when I am at home I just seem to have any time to stop and stare! Will do more of this in 2022.

I always seem to live my life at 200mph and then wonder why I feel tired all the time, next year I think I need to slow the fuck down and breathe more metaphorically speaking.

I walked to the local shop to get my Sunday paper, had some breakfast and cracked on with a bit of work I needed to do today, it took me a good 3 hours to do.

Feels good to get the work done and then hopefully this week coming I can focus on business development for my own business. Also need to decide what I’m eating on Christmas day, I’ve got a bit of an idea but just need to sit down and think about it properly, plan it and then buy any food that I need.

Saturday 18th December 2021

I am writing this at 00:11 on Sunday 19th December as I’ve fallen asleep on the sofa and only just woken up, am a little bit drunk…

Started Saturday with intervals, feeling good getting back into the exercise groove, I am finding it hard as lost my fitness but ultimately I know I’ll get it back. Afterwards, I actually weighed myself as I was interested to know where I am at. Personally, I don’t really care how much I weigh, but it is an indicator of health so a good thing to know but not to get too hung up over which I don’t.

Then it was the normal routine of the food shop and the home for some breakfast!

For the 3rd Saturday in a row, I was getting the bus into town and meeting a friend, we were having a Christmas lunch!! I’d booked us a table at one of the local hotel’s restaurants and it was absolutely delicious, a glass of mulled wine and a bottle of rose went down very well. Needless to say, it didn’t end there. We walked to another pub and carried on drinking. I was planning on getting the bus home but instead, my friend’s husband picked me up and we went back to theirs for another drink or two while I waited for a taxi!! This was a two-hour wait!!

I love Strictly Come Dancing (Dancing with the Stars for my American readers) and tonight was the grand final. My friend and family don’t watch it but tonight they did for me which was so lovely of them. I managed to get home in the time after all the couples had danced and them announcing in the winner!!

And then at some point, I’ve fallen asleep!! I rarely fall asleep on the sofa these days as soon as I feel myself nodding off I get up and come to bed but after quite a few glasses of wine, this mechanism fails…